THE LANDFILL CHRONICLES
Finding Happiness In All The Wrong Places
I'm pretty embarrassed that I haven't added anything to my doing "100 New Things" list since January. I have done things, just not recorded them.
Thing number 4 is...well...I'll just say that a friend invited me to a concert. I said yes without even knowing who we were seeing.
It ended up being Brandi Carlile who was talented and wonderful and all that. Her songs were little stories of feelings as such. It made me think of the upheavals in my own life. Still raw from my little break up with you-know-who, well...I pretty much cried through the whole concert.
Lucky for me, I got this crying thing down so I was real stealth about dabbing my eyes and such. Pretty sure no one noticed.
So I guess number 4 is this concert: going artist unknown to a new venue, discovering said artist was singing my tune, then just crying all those feelings out.
8th Grade Joey and I are over.
That was the in-my-head nickname for him because I was never quite sure what was going on. Similar to when you're in middle school and like someone but everything's all mixed up because that's how 13 and 14-year-olds roll. All those feelings and no clue how to act on them.
Anyway, 8th Grade Joey was my post-divorce thing. My first "thing" in 20 years if you count the marriage stuff. It went on for about 2 years. That's a long time to feel like a clueless middle schooler.
I'll spare you the details but I'm the one who walked away. As scary as "alone" sounds, it's better than being with someone and not feeling appreciated.
I won't dwell on it, and I certainly won't whine too much here (I hope). I'm just very, very sad because I know things could be different. But they aren't different, which is why I made the choice to cut bait.
So I guess there's a small victory in recognizing something isn't right and doing something about it. I just wish I didn't have to walk away to make it right.
The good news for y'all is that now I have all this time for self reflection. And that's when things get amusing.